Wow, so I'm not really sure how to begin this post...I've been thinking about what to say the last few days and certain sentences have been running through my head, but when it comes to writing them down I have to admit I get a little jumbled. So please do pardon the rambling that this may become.
I started this blog for the reason that many people start I'm sure. I have certain loves which I wanted to share: fashion, beauty, styling and other creative pathways. My path in life had become pretty much the opposite of this. Work wise I was stuck in jobs that had little to no creative outlet and so this was to be that. I was encouraged by my partner, family and friends who all believed I had a natural talent. I was so excited and enthusiastic as I have been a big follower of blogs almost since they began and the thought of having my very own and potentially being admired as I have admired was a huge thrill. If you have read my previous posts then you have read snippets of what life was like for me last year. I believe it was in one of my first posts that I said something along the lines of "I have been struggling". That struggle became a pit I couldn't seem to get out of.
If I am being completely honest I was depressed. I hardly moved from the couch, I only dressed up when I was going out and I put on quite a bit of weight, and because of this my self esteem hit an all time low. What also didn't help was that I couldn't find a job and I was no where near family and friends.
Now this post isn't about me wanting to whinge, it is simply me being honest in a world where honesty is sometimes lost. With social media we are bombarded with what others are doing with their lives, but what we forget is that these are carefully edited lives. We see all the highs and none of the lows, which makes us believe that our lives are so much worse than everyone else's. I have never been addicted to Facebook and so never felt this towards my friends so much. For me it was my beloved blogs. I joined Instagram (which I check multiple times a day) and saw almost every moment of my favourite bloggers. This was amazing to begin with, it was almost like I was there with them, sharing in all of their fun and luck. But after months of my own life not feeling as though it was going anywhere, I started to look at these bloggers with jealousy and anger. First I thought 'What's so good about them, why are they so lucky?!', and then the anger turned to self doubt 'They're so much prettier than me. They have such better style then I could ever have.'. So I stopped looking and stopped sharing.
They say that a change is as good as a holiday, well I can claim that to be true. I have moved back to my beloved Melbourne and seem to have also moved back into my old attitude but with an even better upgrade! Last year may have felt like one huge low but as I said in a previous post "The lows make the highs feel that much higher!" I've learnt so much about myself and about life and what's important this last year and I'm so grateful. I have caught up with all of my favourite bloggers and found some new ones along the way. And without knowing it they have also inspired me not just in a creative way but in life as well. A lot of the blogs I follow have thousands of followers, which at one point I was jealous of...but now I can see their years of hard work and know that they all deserve every last one and more. Most of them work hard day and night to bring us new inspiration and I for one really appreciate that and hope that I can be half as good.
It might sound strange but up until last year I was very much a believer in fate and destiny, I believed that if something was meant to happen it didn't matter what you did, it would happen. For example, if I do a couple of style posts people will see my talent and start following me. That was so embarrassing to type but it's true! I thought I could do the bare minimum and succeed! I know, CRAZY!! I believe that this comes from a generation of immediacy, as in we want things now and aren't used to having to wait. I also thought the fact that I had put on weight meant that I no longer look good enough to post my own style. I have always been curvy and so looking at fashion photos every day made me believe I didn't look right for this job. Now this may sound cliche but Beyonce had a part in breaking me out of this thought process. She's always promoted being curvy and her style is Flawless (hehe). I then started looking for black bloggers and was so incredibly inspired by their confidence. Now I'm not saying they are overweight, on the contrary they all have amazing bodies, but their curves reminded me of my own physique, and so their confidence rubbed off on me. I am now an avid follower of a lot of them. I also found some plus size bloggers who showed me that no matter what size you are you can look stylish and super classy!
Well I think I have typed enough for one post. I hope you got through it unscathed. I'll leave you with a few of the things I have learnt this past year and then some words that have inspired me. And I hope if you read this you will also find something that you may have lost :)
Embrace who you are and what you have to give.
Believe in yourself.
Accept your flaws, body and all.
Work hard or be content.
Do it for the love of it.
No one is going to take you or carry you where you want to go, you've got to pick yourself up and get there yourself.
No one is stopping YOU but YOU.
If you think it's not possible then you're not being creative enough.
A new day brings a new chance to grow and learn and be better than the day before.
This is my new promise to myself and I hope that whoever reads this, whether it be one or many, will be inspired to be honest, to embrace themselves and to keep growing.
Till next time
xx
